The Hopes and Dreams Of Sam Winchester
by Difficult-notImpossible
Summary: He knows he's doomed to this life, but still, he finds room to hope that someday he'll be able to escape this way of life and run off, marry a nice girl and settle down and be normal for once.
1. Maybe One day

_I've had so many ideas floating around in my brain for what I can possible write for Sam, and after too many attempts, I decided to start a short little series :) So enjoy, tell me what you think :) I'll have the next chapter up soon. _

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><p>He's twelve when he goes on his first hunt, the gun heavy in his hand, his senses completely alert, his eyes, an impossible mixture of jade and aqua, darting to every sound that his ears pick up. His breath comes out in quick, silent huffs, careful to be as silent as he can. He's waiting in the Impala, as instructed by his father, a command that Sammy didn't take lightly. He wants to help, he knows what to do, he serves no purpose just sitting here looking out while his brother and father kill those monsters.<p>

He tried to convince his dad, but the argument only ended in being shoved in the car, a gun thrown into his lap "just in case", and the stern look that he had seen too many times.

Sam swallows and is careful to stay low, out of sight, an odd feeling rising in the back of his neck. Something's coming, he doesn't know how, but he knows it. He gulps, the gun slick under his sweaty hands. He has no idea what a simple bullet is gonna do to a vampire, but he hopes he'll be able to hold it off while Dean and his father get back.

And just like that, quicker than he can blink, it's there, and he doesn't have time to gasp before he hears glass shattering and something's dragging him from the haven of the car. He's lost the gun, everything going too fast for him to comprehend anything. Through his gasping and pounding of his heart, he can hear a low chuckle, see a flash of dark, hungry eyes, and the fear grips at him as a set of sharp fangs come into view. He scrambles around for the gun, for anything he can use to protect himself, but he's on the ground, about two feet away from the Impala.

The vampire is ready to attack, and the twelve year old just squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for impact.

Then it simply falls, limp and wounded, beside him.

It takes a moment for him to gather his thoughts, trying to breathe as evenly as he can manage as he stares up at the blue sky. He leans up on his elbows, shakes his hair out of his eyes, and suddenly Dean's smirking at him, a crossbow in his hands. "You okay, Sammy?"

Sammy swallows, he can't speak yet, and nods.

~.~.~.~

He watches the smoke rising from the trees silently, his eyes drooping. He's tired, and he didn't even do anything except get attacked, saved by his older brother, who he's sure isn't gonna leave him alone for weeks, teasing him about it. The poor kid is still shaking, the image of those eyes, and those teeth, unable to escape his mind. He doesn't understand how his father can face those kinds of things every day of his life, risk his life. He remembers Dean telling him that his father's a superhero, and as much as he wants to believe that, he just can't. Sure, his dad fights monsters, which makes him a hero in a way.

But John isn't Sam's hero. He lied to him, he was never around. Hell, he wasn't even the one who saved Sammy from the vampire. That was Dean.

He wishes that he could have a normal life. That his mom was still alive so he could meet her, that his father really was a salesmen, or a lawyer, or a mechanic, or a firefighter. That he could go to one school for his whole life, have lifelong friends. That he could come home to the unknown scent of homemade food instead of take out or cereal. That his father would tell him that the dark was nothing to be afraid of instead of just handing him a gun for protection.

There, sitting in the Impala, waiting for his family to finish off that monster, Sam Winchester hopes he'll have a chance at that life someday.


	2. The Walk Towards Redemption

_I know that this is long overdue, but I was having issues with what I wanted to do exactly. It took me a while, and I ended up putting two pieces that were originally supposed to stand alone together. Please tell me what you guys think! I have the next chapter ready, I'm just going over it, fixing the small things. it should be up tomorrow!_

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><p>Dean's trying to convince him to stay, but he won't have it. There's a scholarship to Stanford waiting for him, the life he's wanted itching to unravel. He can hear John's truck down the road, and he takes a deep breath, ready to set his future in stone. He's ready to throw in his gun, to abandon the salt and holy water. He's ready to forget the myths and lore. Dean's getting antsy, urging him back and rambling on about his duty as a son, anything to make him stay. It's pissing him off.<p>

Sam's jaw is clenched, frustrated. "I never picked this, Dean. I never wanted it. The constant traveling, countless motel rooms, the fear of something always being after us. I'm tired of it, and this is my chance to break away from that." The truck is pulling into the motel parking lot; the moment of truth is fast approaching. Dean objects, shaking his head violently. Sam waves him off, walking forward as their father arrives, the engine dying. Sam gets so far as to open the door before Dean grabs his arm.

"Sam, listen to me. This isn't something you can just forget about. This stuff isn't gonna stop existing just because you're at college. There are evil things out there, people in danger. It's our job to help them like we couldn't help Mom." It's a speech he's heard way too many times before, one that he's in no mood to hear now. Dean's fingers tighten on his arm; he's getting impatient with him. "Hunting isn't something you can just walk away from."

The younger Winchester grits his teeth, ripping his arm away from his brother's grasp.

"Watch me." He utters through his teeth. It's enough to shut Dean up, finally, and a victorious smile pulls at Sam's lips as he walks out of the motel room, just as John climbs out of his truck.

~.~.~.~.~

The words haunt him, echoing in his mind as he walks, foot one in front of another, sun beating down onto his back. Beads of sweat are sliding down the sides of his face, his dark hair clinging to the skin of his forehead. His jaw is clenched tightly, he's trying to forget. He knows this is better than the life he's had. Finally, an escape from the danger and the fighting; an escape from his father's unhealthy obsession to chase after the one thing he would never be able to catch. He's leaving everything behind him. It's his chance to make something of himself, something that didn't involve ghosts and monsters and weapons stashed in the trunks of cars and spending dark nights in a cheap motel room lined with rock salt. He won't have to be paranoid now, he was no longer involved.

And still, his father's words cut through him like a knife.

_If you walk out that door, don't even think of coming back_.

It had been so easy to pick. Almost impulsive, walking away, leaving his only family there as he went towards a better future. The one he wanted. He never expected John to see eye to eye with him. They never understood each other, and he doubts they ever will. All John cared about was killing that thing that had killed Mary. Sam was tired of it. He wasn't about to follow orders blindly like Dean did.

John told him to stay away.

That's what he plans on doing.

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><p><em>Please, please review!<em>


	3. You Can't Just Walk Away

_I'm super proud of myself for updating twice over the weekend :) Hopefully you guys will be too! Please tell me what you think!_

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><p>Jess was the answer to everything.<p>

The second he met her, he saw his life playing out in front of him, like a brick road being laid out on a dusty path. It was easy, really. With every kiss, every touch, every whisper, every smile, another step to his life with her would unlock. He'd look for a ring, she'd say yes, he'd finish law school, she'd finish med school, and they'd settle down, have some kids, be the family he always wanted but never got. His past life would be forgotten. She would never know. Dean and John would go on however they wanted to while Sam took the hopes and dreams he created as a kid and made them reality.

And just like that, everything had gone up into flames, burning away harshly.

Including Jess.

She's smiling that smile that drove him crazy, bright and happy. Her eyes are dark, with that slight mischief he always found in them. Her honey colored hair is spilling over her shoulder, long and glossy, or maybe it's just the sun reflecting in the glass of the frame concealing her picture. That's all that's left of her: pictures, memories. Just like his mother. Both taken from him by the same flames, the same power.

"_What girl doesn't like roses?"_

"_It's not that I don't like them. I just think they're overrated. You know… corny and just… lame." _

Too bad they are the only thing he could find. He can almost see her eyebrows rising, that playful smile working on her lips. He looks toward the rumbling Impala, where Dean's waiting for him, sitting awkwardly in the driver's seat. Time to go. With a shake of his head, the flowers drop limply from his hands, and he turns and walks away.

It's easy to walk away once you've lost everything. Just a couple of steps forward, and you're far away, everything's over. It had been easy to leave his dad behind, to not listen to his brother. With every step he had taken toward Stanford, he had grown more and more confident that it would work, that he wouldn't come back. But Dean was right; his secrets weren't the kind that he could just tuck away. He could try to change the path a thousand times, but it would always be the same destination.

Sam always hated how obsessed his dad was with getting the thing that took his mother, but now he has a new perspective. He understands the anger, the thirst for vengeance. It burns within him, burns like the flames that had licked Jess clean. It's all he can think about as he drives over countless state lines with Dean, once again thrust into a life he never wanted.

Jess was the answer to everything. She was his escape, his shelter, his hopes, but once again, he was forced to forget those hopes. His life was too complicated. His childhood had spelled out what was waiting for him, but he had tried to scramble it up, and ended up drowning in a bowl of steaming alphabet soup. His wishes had caused him to risk too much, put people's lives in danger.

Hoping is pointless, he knows that now. Once a hunter, always a hunter.

And he's set on killing this demon, even if he dies doing it.


End file.
